Just Random Stuff

Well, yesterday I had an "incisional lumpectomy." I will not have pathology reports for a few days. the MRI indicated that it was a benign fibroadenoma, but recommended biopsy. The surgery went well and I was home by noon, minus a 1.7 mm mass in my right breast. Rod took the day off to take care of me. It was nice to have the day together, even if I was rather home bound by drugs and slept most of the time. Today I am off work and staying home also. It is nice to just convalesce. Rod was home this morning as it is his late day at work, so we ventured off to Costco for an hour. We got a membership card. We decided to switch from Sam's Club to Costo this year and see which one we like best. We were kind of ticked off that they don't accept debit cards at the snack counter, though, and had to come home for a tuna sandwich instead of a polish dog with sauerkraut. Oh well . . . During this down time I have been doing a lot of thinking about my family. I just hope they all know how important they are to me and that I let them know regularly. Sometimes we get so carried away in the small stuff that we forget what is really important. Sunday I had an experience that was very upsetting. I will try to explain. Becca has been taking guitar lessons and it has been so great for her. On Sunday, her teacher told me that he could not teach her anymore because there was another family that needed his time more. I was okay at first, and then I thought about it. I had searched for a year to find her a teacher. These guitar lessons have been so good for her, and her guitar playing is part of her identity. She has only been taking lessons since August. I love hearing her play and it is one thing I have been able to do for her that she sees as positive. (You know, she is 13 and mothers are embarrassing and intrusive and can't do ANYTHING right at that age.) And then I thought "how could the needs of any other family be more important than the needs of my own" - especially with what I have been through with Becca the past few years? I started crying because I was so upset. We were having company for dinner, so I was in the kitchen cooking and crying and feeling very hurt for most of the afternoon. I don't want to make more of this situation than it is, but my feelings were very real that day, and I took it very personally. I will let some time pass and try to find her a new teacher. I will not let this affect my feelings for her teacher, either. He is a really great guy and very busy with his business. I think it would have been easier for me if that had been the reason rather than someone else was more important that Becca. There is no one more important to me than her and my other children, my grandchildren, and my husband. I would fight to the death for all of them. Also on Sunday, I taught Relief Society. The lesson was taken from Elder Bednar's talk from October 2006 Conference entitled "Nothing Shall Offend Them." So of course, I had a very hard time because I was letting myself be offended by the incident earlier in the day. (However, I did not get offended until after I gave my lesson!) It is a choice we have - and I had tried so hard not to be hurt, but the more I thought about it, the more I did hurt. Perhaps I need to make this a matter of prayer and allow the Savior to heal my hurt before it gets out of hand. I really don't want to waller in it!